Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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