he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just cut my nipple shaving
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
