so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
