I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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