you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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