So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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