grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
