I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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