so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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