You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
