He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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