At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
