I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
