Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
