lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
