Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There r osticjed everywhere
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
