Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize