Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
