She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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