I think i peed on brittanys purse
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is wine microwaveable?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
