I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
