this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
