Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
