yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
