Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
