We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
