I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
