I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
