Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
