If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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