i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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