I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
