Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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