You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
