I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
