I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
