Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
