Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
