so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
