he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
