Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
