If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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