i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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