The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
