how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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