Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
