Sry I called you an 8
I didn't shave. On purpose
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
