My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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