I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
