How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize