You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
