I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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