his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
