no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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