PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
