i need an iv and a liver transplant
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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