Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
