dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
