i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
