i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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