Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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