She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
