i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
