You can't special order awesome
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
