Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
