So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
