I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
