I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
