i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
