12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
