can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
